Tech-Savvy Generation

I just finished reading a great book for parents called Logged On and Tuned Out by Vicki Courtney. It's a great asset for parents whose kids (particularly teens) are part of the very tech-savvy generation. I particularly recommend it for parents who are a bit nervous (maybe even downright scared) about their kids participating in the world wide web via social networks, etc. Vicki has a great approach ... we can't completely shield our kids from all that's out there via the Internet, so our job is to teach them to be wise about their media world. She includes good conversation starters and even parent-child contracts regarding everything from cell phone use to Facebook. It's a great easy read, and one of the most truly helpful books on this particular subject I've seen. She even has a website that will keep things up to date (http://www.loggedonandtunedout.com/) since this is an ever-changing realm. I was even inspired to create my own Facebook account ... keeps me in touch with my kids' world! Enjoy the book.

I'm So Proud of You!

Last week a friend was over at the house and heard my daughter made the volleyball team in middle school. She walked over to her gave her a great big hug and said enthusiastically, “I’m so proud of you!” It was a loving, well-intentioned comment. But I started thinking about it. Why does making the volleyball team make my friend proud of my daughter?

It is important that our children know we are proud of them. But I want kids to know I’m proud of them for who they are and not for what they do. I am choosing to say those precious words away from any achievement a child may have accomplished. So when I kiss them good night and give them a hug, I can say, “I’m so proud of you!” That’s it. I’m not proud of my children because they made good grades, made the volleyball team, or scored the winning goal, I’m proud of them because they have a kind spirit, a compassionate heart, a love for others.

And then I think about the flip side. If my children believe I will be proud of them for what they do, how will they feel when they don’t make the team or they fail a test or they miss the goal at the end of the game? As if those events alone are not hard enough to deal with, now I add to the pain with the absence of those precious words. If they know I’m proud of them for who they are, then when the ball goes just wide, or they realize they studied the wrong spelling unit, they will be disappointed, but they will know their mom and dad are still proud of them.

Let me be clear, we can still celebrate with them when they have worked hard and accomplished a goal. We can say things like:
“I know you worked really hard to make straight A’s this year. Congratulations!”
OR
“All those hours of practice really paid off, your solo tonight was beautiful!”
OR
“I could see you grinning from ear to ear when you scored that goal. That had to feel good.”


God loves us not for what we do, but for who we are. I want to model this to my children. I don’t want my children to feel like they have to earn my love or approval by the number of points they scored in the game or by their GPA.

It’s such a small point, but I believe it has huge implications.