Have you heard the news story about the school district in Oregon that banned hugging? You might think this came about as a result of "public displays of affection" (PDAs) or the sexual promiscuity in teens…..WRONG!
A thirteen year old girl wrote letters to the school board stating how important hugging is for middle school girls. This is girls hugging girls as a show of affection and acceptance. Having two middle school girls myself, I can tell you that girls hug and hug and hug! It is part of being that age, it's that developmental stage and place in life. Hugging is one of the many ways they communicate. Frankly, in this day and age of communicating with technology, I am thrilled my kids still hug and share their affections for each other when they are not in front of a screen (IM, texting, blogging, myspace……).
As I was listening to a news report on this story, I was SHOCKED to hear the reason for the ban on hugging. Hugging was banned because it was causing “excessive tardiness.” I must admit I rolled my eyes and said out loud, “You have got to be kidding!” Yes, I was actually talking to my television set. The “excessive tardiness” was caused by teachers' and/or administrators' lack of enforcement of simple rules already in place for tardiness. If 1 tardy gets you a warning, 2 tardies drop your conduct grade and 3 tardies result in detention….then….enforcement of the stated tardy rules would surely control the hugging problem!
In a similar way, as parents, we have to take that painful look in the mirror and ask ourselves where we are blaming our children’s behavior for our frustration--when really it is our lack of enforcement that is the cause. When I catch myself saying, “ I have told you three times to pick up your shoes…..” I know I am really the one to blame for my escalating frustration. Instead, I can say one time, “You may pick up your shoes or I will put them in the Goodwill bag (you can buy the next pair)” or “ I charge $5 per pair of shoes that I pick up and I will start charging in five minutes. In other words, the more creative I am the more effective it is!
We must really think about the way we talk to our children, what are family standards are, and how we follow through in reinforcing those standards. If we do our part, we can avoid “excessive tardiness” and still allow our kids to hug….in moderation!
A thirteen year old girl wrote letters to the school board stating how important hugging is for middle school girls. This is girls hugging girls as a show of affection and acceptance. Having two middle school girls myself, I can tell you that girls hug and hug and hug! It is part of being that age, it's that developmental stage and place in life. Hugging is one of the many ways they communicate. Frankly, in this day and age of communicating with technology, I am thrilled my kids still hug and share their affections for each other when they are not in front of a screen (IM, texting, blogging, myspace……).
As I was listening to a news report on this story, I was SHOCKED to hear the reason for the ban on hugging. Hugging was banned because it was causing “excessive tardiness.” I must admit I rolled my eyes and said out loud, “You have got to be kidding!” Yes, I was actually talking to my television set. The “excessive tardiness” was caused by teachers' and/or administrators' lack of enforcement of simple rules already in place for tardiness. If 1 tardy gets you a warning, 2 tardies drop your conduct grade and 3 tardies result in detention….then….enforcement of the stated tardy rules would surely control the hugging problem!
In a similar way, as parents, we have to take that painful look in the mirror and ask ourselves where we are blaming our children’s behavior for our frustration--when really it is our lack of enforcement that is the cause. When I catch myself saying, “ I have told you three times to pick up your shoes…..” I know I am really the one to blame for my escalating frustration. Instead, I can say one time, “You may pick up your shoes or I will put them in the Goodwill bag (you can buy the next pair)” or “ I charge $5 per pair of shoes that I pick up and I will start charging in five minutes. In other words, the more creative I am the more effective it is!
We must really think about the way we talk to our children, what are family standards are, and how we follow through in reinforcing those standards. If we do our part, we can avoid “excessive tardiness” and still allow our kids to hug….in moderation!
